The Gaffer's Rantings

"This was a possible banana skin for the mighty Heather but we again proved that we could mix it with anyone even if they were somewhat lacking some of their sandwiches for their picnic"

 White Heather Hornets 6 Sherborne West End 4      Dorset Junior Cup Final   20th April 2008   Shaftesbury F C
 
This game probably was one of the bizarest games I have ever witnessed!
 
Sherborne were somewhat of an unknown quantity as they play in the Blackmore Vale league and teams from that league can be very good or crap. After looking at the pitch which I have to say was poor to say the least for a wessex standard pitch it was going to be hard to play our normal standard of free flowing football. I really think the Dorset F A need to look at some of the poor grounds and pitches they play their cup finals on! Take a look at the Bournemouth F A finals!
 
The game started and was fairly even but the Heather managed to go into the lead after 17 minutes through Adam Light after some excellent work from Matty Groves. We then went 2-0 up after some more good work from Matty Groves and another cool finish from his partner in crime Adam Light. Sherborne's dreadlocked midfielder was booked early on then sent off before half time after a wreckless challenge. This should have seen us dominate the game but we did tend to struggle especially with the hard working Sherborne forward who was a real handful. We did manage to go 3-0 up after 38 minutes through Cunny. Heading towards half time and we were cruising at 3-0, but then we conceeded a soft goal after Alcopop Al let one slip through his hands! This seemed to spur the opposition on after the break and when we should have been cruising alot of the time we were on the back foot. Sherborne were rewarded in the 55th minute after being gifted a penalty which was converted. Then 4 minutes later a speculative ball in was headed towards goal and Sherborne were back in the game! In the 70th minute Lewis put us ahead but it didn't look as though we were able to hold off the 10 men of Sherborne as they continued to come at us in swarms. With only minutes to go a cross was swung into the Heather box which drifted over the head of Alan and into the net. Perhaps we need to look at our match preperation! Back to 4-4 and to say I wasn't happy was an understatement!
 
When we should have been in the bar getting pissed we were starting extra time! Luckily Sherborne were statrting to look tired and in the 97th minute conceeded a penalty which Lewis promptly despatched. Sherborne gave it their all but were running out of steam. In the second period of extra time with three minutes to go the pitch opened up for Luke. It looked as though he had developed some pace but I can assure you it was the opposition running the other way. He ran on and on then finished smartly to put us 6-4 up which is how the game ended! An exciting game for the neutral but not good for the heart!
 
Well done boys! More silverware for the Heather cabinet!
Dorset Knob 1 White Heather Hornets 2     14th April 2008    League
 
This game was probably the most important game so far of the season and I knew that we needed at least a point to send us towards the league title. There was a lot of speculation with regards to who was or wasn't playing for the Knob but on our day when we play well we can be a challenge for anyone.
 
As the game started I knew we were in for a game and honours we fairly even for most of the first half. There was some fairly strange refereeing decisions. Dorset Knob scored what looked like a fairly legitimate goal with a header the Matt Grrrrrrrrrrroves scored was given offside then play was bought back for a free kick for the Hornets! Very strange! Mr Downs was booked for a fairly inocuous challenge and some of the challenges which flew in were left unpunished.We created some good chances but couldn't capitalise. A fairly even first half to be fair which finished goal less.
 
The second half saw us start a bit slowly and we switched off after 50 minutes allowing Dorset Knob to score. 1-0 down and this was going to show what we were made of. We won a penalty after some good work from Grovesy in the box but the keeper saved well from Mark Downs. We never gave up and although we came up against some poor and late challenges we never took our minds off the job in hand. After 72 minutes we were rewarded after Mr Groves was put through on goal with a great pass and finished well. Then one minute later Adam Light sent the Hornets supporters wild with a cool clinical finish at the back post. We managed to hang on and the game never really looked in doubt and we secured the three points which I think will give us a real push towards the title.
 
I would like to say what a great performance!

Pottery 0 White Heather Hornets 17     13th April 2008   League
 
It wasn't until just before the start of the game that we found out Pottery only had 7 players but to their credit they wanted to play on. The result was never in doubt but the way we went about our business was. The first half was hard going against the seven men as we tended to over complicate things on to be fair a poor surface. We were four nil up at half time with Lewis the Dong scoring after 6 minutes with a good finish, adam scored after 7 minutes and again in the 17th minute and Tom "Happy" Edmonds scored a pen in the 25th minute.
 
Into the second half and things were always going to get worse for Pottery but they never gave up. I'm not going into detail as we would be here all night but we added a further 13 goals through Rob Fox with two, Craig Marchant with one, Mark Downs with four, Adam Light with a further two, Luke "PMT Boy" Ayrton with two and the goal of the game according to John Austin a left foot volley. It probably would have looked more graceful and skillful with Heather Mills scoring!
 
The points were never in doubt. We now have to concentrate on the last five games and ensure we follow this season through to the end. I'm sure no one wants to look back and think what the fuck happened there! Constable though might be saying that about his life when he takes a look back! Probably not! Too stupid!
 
White Heather Hornets 3 Roko Reserves 2     10th April 2008   League
 
I felt this was going to be one of the harder games during our run in as Roko had beaten Ensbury in the final of the Brivati Cup and good luck to them! You can never tell who is going to turn up in mideweek but even though our football wasn't as good as it's been in recent games this proved to be a game of real character.
 
Mr Downs started up front as Adam Light was on cup final duty with Oakmeadians his starting proved invaluable as he opened the scoring after 13 minutes with a looping header. The Hornets only held onto the lead for two minutes with Roko equalising also with a header. We struggled to pass the ball and the quality we had in recent games had deserted us. Roko deservedly went into the lead after 31 minutes but then in the 34th minute came what I felt was the turning point. The Roko right back hit a crisp (exocet) pass back to the keeper who completely missed the ball and it flew into the back of the net! Into half time 2-2 and all to play for in the second half.
 
The second half started much as the first half had preceeded with both teams struggling to pass and hold onto the ball. Honors were even and I felt that one goal would win it and this proved to be the case with Rob "Spam Head" Fox slotting past the Roko keeper in the 65th minute. We had a chance to add to our tally with a penalty but Perry "Powder Puff" Fry missed. Luckily we held on and a valuable 3 points!
 
White Heather Hornets 8 Oakdale Con 1     8th April 2008   League
 
Oakdale had faltered in recent weeks but they looked to have a completely different side out against us in comparison to the one that lost to AFC Ringwood on Sunday at King George. This game proved to be one of the best performances if not the performance of the season. We absolutely tore Oakdale apart in the first 25 minutes. Adam Light opened the scoring in only the 1st minute. Matty "Nyes Love Child" Groves scored after 11 minutes, Luke Ayrton scored after 20 minutes with a good finish and Grooves scored a second in the 25th minute. It has to be said that Adam and Matt looked pretty awesome up front. Matt completed his hat trick in the 36th minute and it was game over. Five nil into half time and as I mentioned probably the best football we had played all season.
 
The second half started in the same vein with the Hornets dominating the play. Adam added to his personal tally in the 72nd minute. Oakdale scored a consolation to make it 6-1. The Samuel Doe added a seventh in the 83rd minute and Lighter completed his hat trick in the 86th minute. A truly convincing win playing quality football! Great effort!
 
This will hopefully give us the momentum to push on and win the league!

White Heather Hornets 14 Branksome 0     6th April 2008    League
 
Branksome are struggling at the bottom of the league and this game was never in doubt but it was important that we went about our business the right way.
 
It took the Hornets 9 minutes to take the lead through Adam Light with a good finish. The Hornets played some good football and after 19 minutes The Dong scored to make it 2-0 after a great move. Another good move saw Matt Grooves score with a good finish in the 32nd minute to make it 3-0. Even though we continued to pass and move the ball well we went into half time only three nil up. I was sure the scoreline would improve in the second half and I wasn't disappointed!
 
In the 55th minute Matt Grrrrrrrrrrroves captialised on a defensive fuck up to make it 4-0 then Luke "The real deal do" scored an easy goal to make it 5-0 in the 59th minute. A minute later Adam "I'm such a nice bloke but could work harder" Light scored after some more good football from the Hornets. Then Robby Bobby Foxy scored in the 63rd minute to make it 7-0. Then came the shitiest goal scored by the Hornets. A simple goal from a player of the same standard as the goal. Rubbish! 8-0.. In the 69th minute Matt Grrrrrrrrrrr scored to complete his hat trick to make it 9-0. A minute later Adam Light scored a tenth and his hat trick. He added his fourth and the Hornets 11th in the 76th minute with a header. The Dildo scored in the 84th minute with a good finish to make it 12-0 and Lighter scored his 5th in the 85th minute to make it 13-0. The scoring was completed on 88 minutes with Tank scoring with a header.
 
14-0 was an emphatic performance and more importantly another 3 points!

Hardys Electrical 0 White Heather Hornets 9       30th March 2008     League
 
Hardys were at one stage looking quite strong in the league but in recent games had tailed off and were holding a mid-table position. This game wasn't to be under estimated and we had to ensure another three points were gained in our quest for the league.
 
We took the lead after 16 minutes with Adam Light scoring after a good turn and finish. Then just 6 minutes later Lighter scored his and the Hornets second with a good finish. The Heather continued to play good football but waited until 2 minutes before half time with The Dong scoring with a header. Into half time and 3-0 up.
 
Three minutes into the second half and Adam Light completed his hat trick after running down the ball and finishing cooly to make it 4-0. In the 53rd minute Adam scored from all of 2 inches but scored his 5th and the Hornets 6th in the 57th minute with a classy finish. Rob "The sweeping boufant" Fox scored in the 67th minute to make it 7-0 and three minutes later The Dong made it 8-0. The scoring was completed in the 89th minute with Jim Legg scoring.
 
Convincing and comftable. A bit like some of Cunnys past conquests!

White Heather Hornets 3    Alsden 2        2nd March 2008    Dorset Junior Cup Semi Final
 
This was a realistic chance for the White Heather to progress and win some silverware this season against a side from the league below and after the first half things seemed to be going fairly easily. The Hornets took the lead against a well organised Alsden side in the 22nd minute through Adam Light. Then 3 minutes later Mark Downs added a second for the mighty Heather. This was added to in the 33rd minute by Ashley Boyt and three nil looked very comftable going into half time. 
The second half was like a different game and we completely lost the plot and conceded two goals which really put us on the back foot. We must learn to concentrate for 90 minutes or we can say goodbye to the league and the cup. We somehow managed to hang on and went through to the final but it has to be said that Alsden gave us a scare!

Branksome Con 0    White Heather Hornets 5     24th February 2008 League
 
Whiecliff Rec isn't my favourite of grounds and is normally covered in dog shit but to be fair it wasn't too bad! Branksome are propping up the league at the moment but they battled throughout the game and never gave up.
 
The Hornets took the lead after 16 minutes with Adam Light scoring with a good finish. Then four minutes later Mr I wear the worst pants for football scored with a header to make it 2-0. This was the score going into half time as we struggled at times with a smallish pitch and some poor passing.
 
The second half started in much the same vain but we managed to increase our lead with a great overhead kick from Lewis The Dick Burgis after 53 minutes. The Hornets went 4-0 in the 82nd minute from Ashley Boyt then the Hornets goal machine came off the bench to score with a classy finish in the 89th minute.
 
5-0 and another valuable three points!
 
White Heather Hornets 7   AFC Ringwood 0       17th February 2008   Home
 
Ringwood were the first team we played this season and we beat them quite comftably but after that loss they went on a bit of a run. 
They unfortunately were struggling compared to their mid season form but it took us until the seconf half to get into our stride and break them down. On 48 minutes it was the quiet but destructive midfeld dynamo Mr Boyt who opened the scoring with a cracking finish. Then two minutes later he added a second running onto a long ball and finishing calmly. This burst opened the flood gates with Grooves scoring a third for the Hornets after 59 minutes with another great finish. We continued to pass the ball well and after 70 minutes Luke "The real deal do" scored with a goal I can't really remember but it was probably shit. Mr Boyt completed his hat trick after 76 minutes to make it 5-0. Then the goal of the game from Mr Four goals in Five games after 79 minutes. On the 84th minute Jenkins made it 7-0 with another good finish.  
Another win and another three points! I can't ask for any more than that.

Churchill Arms 3   White Heather Hornets 1         10th February 2008    Away
 
This was always going to be a test for us as Churchill had only lost two games and in all honesty we didn't play too badly but didn't take our chances on the day. Churchill were well organised and battled for everything. We found ourselves 2-0 down after a poor foul by Simon Hallam on the edge of the box and a second after some poor defending. Concentration is key! We pulled a goal back, missed a penalty and hit the crossbar but needless to say that after pushing for an equaliser we got caught on the break and Churchill added a third.

 
The report is short and sweet as I always get pissed off when we lose but to their credit Churchill will be there or there abouts at the end of the season we just have to make sure were above them!

West Moors Social 3  White Heather Hornets 1   Robbins Cup QF 27th January 2008 Fryers.

This game was always going to be tough against premier opposition and it didn't help that our top goalscorer was injured and one of our other players couldn't get his arse out of bed. If we can't motivate ourselves for these types of games what the fuck am i meant to do! Some people need to show some responsibilty and grow up!
 
The pitch looked quality after some good work from the Monk (tough shit for the rest of the season) and to be fair we tried to stop the from playing on a decent surface by playing five in midfield. This sort of worked for the first 45 minutes! We conceded a sloppy goal from a corner where we failed to clear our lines with only 9 minutes of the game gone. We settled down after that and deservedly equalised after 30 minutes with a great individual goal from Matty Groves who seemed to run and run before cooly slipping the ball past the keeper. Into half time and 1-1 which was a fair scoreline just about.
 
The second half was always going to be tough and at times we were chasing shadows. A pivatol moment came in the second half when we should have had a penalty. I can't remember who was fouled and i don't really give a shit but the ref put the whistle to his mouth and for some strange reason had a real problem blowing some air into the metal item vibrating the pea like item into a whistling sound. No i know how that Scottish twat at Man U feels! After 65 minutes West Moors won a penalty after Jason Lovell had his shirt tugged and they went 2-1 up. The wind was blown out of our sails we conceded another goal in the 75th minute to make the final score 3-1.
 
This was a reasonable performance against a premier side and we can take heart from our performance. The league is there for the taking! Up the Hornets and up yours Constable!

White Heather 4  Pottery 1  Home  20th January 2008
 
We enjoyed the novelty of a league game against a Pottery side who had drawn against Ensbury and weren't to be taken lightly. Unfortunately for them they were struggling bodies wise and their manager had to play! As the game kicked off Pottery were causing us some problems even though they were effectively playing one up front and to their credit they went 1-0 up after 9 minutes with a ball over the top to their lively forward. We struggled to get into the game and although we had the lions share of the possesion we just couldn't break the opposition down. It took us until the 43rd minute to get back on terms with Danny Moore scoring. The a minute later "The Dong" scored to put us 2-1 up going into half time.
 
The second half started and Pottery ended up going down to 10 men just before the break but they continued to cause us the odd problem and it has to be said that they defended resolutely. It wasn't until the 75th minute that Mark Downs scored with a good finish from a corner. We continued to dominate the game but just couldn't find a way through or over complicated things. We got to the last minute of the game before we added a fourth with Adam Light scoring.
 
Another win, another 3 points so I can't really complain!
 
By the way is there anyone who might be able to give Luke a lift for the next few weeks or do you have a spare bike in the shed!
 
Next game West Moors Social Robbins Cup QF Sunday 27th January at Fyers Playing Fields, West Moors 10.30ko.
 

Branksome Celtic 3   White Heather Hornets 5    Robbins Cup    13th Janaury 2008
 
This was a game which we wanted to win as the next round would pit us against either West Moors Social or Angel in the quarter finals. We knew this wasn't to be an easy game to win as Branksome are 4 leagues above us and the weather was windy to say the least. We played the first half with the wind against us and I knew that if we could get to half time even or better we would have a good chance of winning the tie.
 
We started the game with a great attitude and battled for every ball. After 25 minutes we deservedly took the lead with Adam Light running onto a through ball and finishing well. Branksome continued to compete and equalised after 35 minutes. This was the only other goal of the first half and it was pleasing  to go into half time equal.
 
The second half saw us suprisingly concede after 58 minutes but it only took two minutes to get back on term with Danny Moore scoring with a great finish into the far corner of the goal. Then in the 63rd minute we went 3-2 up with another Adam Light goal (See I told you he wasn't crap Luke!). We really should have shut up shop and run the game out but we let Branksome equalise after 82 minutes. Then in the 83rd minute Luke Ayrton who to be fair had done absolutely fuck all in the game and was totally rubbish scored a wonder strike. Perhaps it was the fact that he had got rid of the fishy smell from his fingers. Then four minutes later Adam Light desrvedly completed his hat trick with another good finish. Now Luke do you see he's a good player!
 
A great win and a good performance!

White Heather Hornets 5   Athelstan 1     6th January 2008 Home League
 
We hadn't played a great number of games before the Chrismas period and it was important that we started the new year well. I was somewhat shocked to see us go 1-0 down after 3 minutes with a ball over the top which it has to be said was finished well by their forward. Perhaps our back four had had too much xmas pud or more realistically too much pop (Cunny and Farley). Athelstan looked quite a useful outfit and it looked as though we were going to face one of our tougher games so far. We started to get our act together and after 15 minutes Lewis the Donger scored after some great perserverance (trying hard that means Farley) to make it 1-1. Five minutes later Adam (he's so nice) Light scored with a shot or was it a cross come shot type of thing. In the 24th minute Christian made it 3-1 with a deft lob over the keeper and Adam made it 4-1 in the 35th minute with a great volley. The game was really over by now. We did get involved in some petty handbag situations after some late tackles and we really must learn to smile and walk away.
 
The second half was a bit more even as we tended to sit back a little bit and let them play but we did manage to add to our tally with a good finish from Danny Moore after 75 minutes. The game finished with a well earned victory for the Hornets. I'm sure Athestan will take points off teams this season as they look a decent side.

White Heather Hornets 6 Market House Tavern 2  Dorset Junior Cup QF Home 16/12/07
 
I wondered if this game was going to go ahead as Market House thought they would be unable to get a team together but I received a call to say they would be on their way even if they were somewhat late as one of their players got done for speeding on the way!  The Dorset Cup is a strange beast as you can only play three subs and some of our players were cup tied.
 
We started the game brightly keeping the ball well and scoring after a minute. I can honestly say that I dont think Market House touched the ball until Craig marchant scored from a corner. Market House only had the bare 11 and to their credit never gave up. After 24 minutes Lewis "The Donger" Burgis arrived at the back post to make it 2-0. He then added his second after 40 minutes with a great strike. Christian Hillman made it 4-0 with a stubbed effort from close range but they all count. Lewis completed his hat trick after 56 minutes with another great effort a left footed strike.
 
Market House scored a couple of consolation goals with an og and a great strike from their centre forward (I think it was a cross). The came the goal of the game a well executed penalty in the 85th minute from the one and only me! Form is indifferent yet class is permanent. This was a solid win so into the semi's and it will be interesting to see who we draw in the next round. A good win boys!

Lovett 1 White Heather Hornets 4 Robbins Cup  Slades Farm  11/11/07
 
Lovett came into this game full of confidence and I believe they thought they were going to turn us over. We went into the game full of confidence and scored after 4 minutes with Adam Light getting onto the end of a Matt Farley ball. Suprisingly we didnt add to our tally until after the first half. This was mainly down to Lovett closing us down and generally making life difficult for us.
 
As the second half started it didnt take us long to score the first of three goals in a four minute period. Adam added his second after 47 minutes or was it an own goal we'll give you the benefit of the doubt. Sam Doe scored in the 49th minute with a penalty and Matt Groves scored in the 51st minute with a good finish. The game was all but over but Lovett did get a consolation goal in the 76th minute.
 
The Robbins Cup is probably not a cup we are going to win but it's good to see us progress in the flagship cup. Well done!

White Heather Hornets 19 Rec Athletic 1, League, 21st October 2007, Home

Rec Athletic play in the league above us but we knew they were up against it as they only had 10 men and the Hornets have been playing some great football in previous weeks. I'm not going to go through every goal as we could be here until next week but it has to be said that we absoulutely tore the opposition apart. To Rec Athletic's credit though they certainly didn't give up and carried on right to the end.

The Hornets 19 goals were scored by Mark Downs with 6 (This is the most goals Mark has scored in a game - not bad for an old fart), Danny Moore with 4, Adam Light with 3, Luke (Please let me take the penalty or my voice will go even higher) Ayrton with 2, Rob Fox with 1, Jamie Yeo with 1, Wes White with 1 and our new signing Roger Chegadu with 1. This again was another quality performance and it shows how far we have come as a side.

Upwards and onwards!

White Heather Hornets 9 Bar Vin 0 Robbins Cup 14/10/07

We have learnt in the past that you can't take Division 10 opposition lightly as they can be a bit of an unknown quantity. This looked as though it was going to be the case with Bar Vin as they started extremely brightly and closed us down quickly. It took a 6 inch toe poke from Jim Legg to put us into the lead after 12 minutes. Then believe it or not Baked Bean head number two struck again with a header after 36 minutes. 2-0 up and this seemed to settle us and we started to play some of the best football I have seen in a long while. We missed a few chances but nothing really to worry about and we went into half time 2-0 to the good.

The second half carried on in the same vain and after 52 minutes Sam Doe scored with a good finish at the back post to make it 3-0. Ash scored after 60 minutes to make it 4-0 and Mark Downs made it 5-0 after 73 minutes. Then 3 minutes later Luke Ayrton scored a free kick which looked like it had been take by Joey Deacon on acid. 6-0 up and in all seriousness it was an ok free kick! A further 3 goal were scored by Lewis Burgis, Matt Groves and Mark Downs to make it 9-0.

A convincing win and a great performance!

White Heather Hornets 7 Sturminster Rovers 2 Dorset Junior Cup 7/10/07

We played against Sturminster Rovers two seasons ago and it seemed that they didn't relish the chance to play us again.

We opened the scoring from Matty Grooves scrappy effort in the 14th minute. They all count Grooves or so your lovely girlfriend said! Mr Grooves added a second after 26 minutes to make it 2-0. Twice in one day doesn't happen very often so the lovely Mrs Grooves said. After 32 minutes made it 3-0 with a cross which drifted over the keepers head and into the goal. Then the third strike of the day from Matty Grooves after 42 minutes when he ran onto a good through ball. Three strikes in a day - Matty's bird said fuck off don't be stupid! Mr Light made it 5-0 after 44 minutes when he ran onto a through pass. Then came the end of the first half with the Hornets cruising.

The second half saw us carry on where we left off but it was Sturminster who added the next goal after 70 minutes to make it 5-1. After 75 minutes Lewis Burgis made it 6-1 with a cheeky back heel. Stur struck again after 80 minutes to make it 6-2 but the Hornets had the last say in the matter with Mark Downs scoring in the last minute with a cool finish.

This was a job well done and into the next round of the Dorset Cup.

Enbury Park 2 White Heather Hornets 4, 30th September 2007, League, @Slades Farm

This was another important fixture as Ensbury played against Roko in the Brivati Cup final last season and were touted as one of the better sides in our league. Ensbury apparently were struggling for players as one of their players had an engagement party the night before. Slades Farm as I have mentioned is not one of my favourite places in fact I would go as far as to say it's a shit hole.

It has to be said that Ensbury have a very good side on paper but unfortunately they have an apparent need to argue amongst themselves and bicker and give the opposition a hard time. This proved to be decisive as to the result. I somehow managed to upset one their supporters on the line who actually turned out to be alright after he calmed down a bit. It takes different people to make up the world!

We some really good football from the off and started to cause problems for the full backs who didn't have time on their side. Matt Groves and Foxy were tormenting them time and time again.

We ended up winning 4-2 after leading 4-1 at one time but it has to be said that Ensbury don't help themselves. Our scorers were Rob Fox with two, Luke Ayrton with one and Adam Light with one.

A good win boys!

Roko Res 4 White Heather Hornets 5 League 23rd September 2007

This was allegedly against one of the stronger sides in our league but we know on our day we can match most teams. On a poor surface we didn't really get going but managed to score after 6 minutes with a scrappy effort from Danny Moore. Roko then equalised from a free header at the back post. After 15 minutes the ever reliable Chris Hillman scored with another cool finish. Roko again equalised after some more poor defending at the back post. Was this going to be another ding dong game? Adam Light scored with a scrappy effort after 32 minutes to make it 3-2. We went into half time 3-2 up but by no means were we home and dry.

It took us until the 72nd minute to score again when Adam Light ran onto a through ball to make it 4-2 then three minutes later Mark Downs passed the ball into the net to make it 5-2. Home and dry or were we? We ended up a bit jittery after Roko scored two late goals to leave us panicking for the last minute or so. We must concentrate for 90 minutes.

This too was another good win that's for sure! Well done!

AFC Westvale 2 White Heather Hornets 10 Brivati Cup 16/09/07 Slades Farm

The Brivati Cup is the equivalent of the Nicholas Read Cup we won last year so it was important for us to get off to a good start in the competition. Slades Farm has never been one of my most favourite grounds and against a team from the next league up I had my concerns but these proved to be unfounded.

We started reasonably well but it was noticeable that they were quite pacey up front and this did cause us problems in the first half. The first goal came for the Hornets in the 15th minute a header from Sam Doe. Westvale equalised after we got caught on the break then 12 minutes later Christian made it 2-1 with a cool finish. Adam Light relieved the pressure a few minutes later to make it 3-1 with another quality finish. Westvale to their credit always looked dangerous on the break and they scored to make it 3-2. We went into half time 3-2 up but we could have scored a shed full more if it wan't for the Westvale goalkeeper who made some great saves.

The second half came and along with it a change in the make up of the game as Westvale lost their keeper through injury. The hornets took control and added another goal with a classy free kick from Chris Hillman. Danny Moore don't even bother trying to take any in the future, your shit! We then had to wait until the last 10 minutes which us score a further 5 goals through Tank, two from Adam Light, Foxy van gogh and Lewis the knob.

This was another good win for the Hornets and took us to 29 games unbeaten in the league and cup. Up the Hornets! By the way Cunny turned up! I think he's finally realised his birds a nightmare! hooray!

White Heather Hornets 11 Winton Wanderers 2 Robbins Cup Round 2 9th September 2007

We were unsure of what type of a side Winton were going to be as they are new to the Bournemouth league. It has to said that this was a convincing win but to be fair to Winton they never gave up and after getting used to playing together should do well in their league.

It didn't take long for us to take the lead with Craig "The Tank (No it's nothing to do with wanking) Marchant scoring from the 6yd line with a bit of a srambled shot. Four minutes later Lewis "The Cock" Burgis scored with a great finish with a cross shot to the far post to make it 2-0. Two minutes later Tank made it 3-0 with a bummers header. After 25 minutes Adam Light got on the scoresheet with a great finish to make it 4-0. He then grabbed his second with a 6inch toe poke to make it 5-0. Two minutes later The Cock scored his second with a 6 yard poof shot to make it 6-0. Into half time and a healthy lead! Mark Downs came on at half time in place of Jamie Yeo who again had a solid game at right back after last week.

Into the second half and we added a seventh with a penalty from Craig after 52 minutes. Winton pulled one back from a defection to make it 7-1. On 60 minutes Mr Greedy scored (Can you guess who that is?) scored to make it 8-1. Winton pulled another one back with another deflection to make it 8-2. After 65 minutes Lewis made it 9-2 with his second right footed shot of the day. Then the goal of the day came from Mr two in two with a clinical right place right time finish. Danny added a further goal to make it 11-2. A good all round effort chaps!

In all seriousness I would rather not have to play and would appreciate people being honest and reliable! You only let your mates down don't you!

AFC Ringwood 0 White Heather Hornets 6 League Division 6 KGVPF

With a number of players injured and myself having to go on the bench I was somewhat worried to how we were going to get on! Ringwood were warming up in a fashion resembling great premiership sides (Not Man U Groves they're shit!). A good start was important and I wasn't disappointed.

It only took 10 minutes for our new signing Mr Adam Light to score a somewhat fortunate scrappy goal (They all count Adam - that's what Linzy said anyway). We started to dominate the game and after 35 minutes we were awarded a penalty which was duly dispatched by Mr Fox. 2-0 up and the confidence was growing. In the 41st minute after some good work from Matty Groves Adam Light provided a clinical finish to put us 3-0 up. Into half time and a comftable lead. Luke "The real deal do" Ayrton and Lewis "I want to score but I cant on or off the pitch" Burgis were suffering from injuries and were replaced by Chris Hillman and Sam "The West Howe Massive" Doe.

The second half carried on as the first and we continued to dominate but it took some time to increase our lead with another scrappy effort coming from Mr Light in the 75th minute to complete his hat-trick on his league debut. Good effort! After this goal came the miss of all misses! A good cross ball from Chris to Matt Groves who just had to nod the ball in from his cock size about 1 inch. It bounced off of his homo haircut and over the bar! Wanker! Unfortunately Mr Cuntstubble forgot the T-Shirt which was at home. He has grilfriend worries but now realises football is more important! After 85 minutes Danny Moore scored and a minute later Matt Groves scored to make the final score 6-0. Well done everyone and special mention to Jamie Yeo and Andy Farley who played very well at left and right back.

Lets look forward to next week and a repeat performance!

 

 

 

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White Heather 4 Kings Arms 0, League Division 8, 26th April 2007

3 points gained in this game would almost guarantee the league title but we knew we were in for a battle as Kings Arms drew 3-3 with Magpies. It was evident from the start of the game that we would find their forward line a handful as fairly early on the Kings Arms No 9 had a couple of decent chances which he wasted. It took until the 37th minute for us to break the deadlock through Tank who ran onto a decent through ball to calmly slot past the keeper. The Kings Arms keeper played a blinder but it has to be said that we missed a hatful of chances. We went into half time 1-0 up which we knew wasn't good enough.

In the second half we took hold and in the 55th minute Danny Moore scored after a pin ball session in the box. 2-0 up and a bit more breathing space. It took us until the 89th and 90th minute to add to our tally with a good header from Mike Ridewood and another from the tank.

Now the game on Sunday should be enjoyable and a decent day. No fucking about though Cunny! No shaving foam!

White Heather 2 London Tavern 2, League Division 8, 24th April 2007

This was to be as important a game as they come so I was somewhat pissed off that the ref didn't turn up and I had to ref (thanks nye). I spoke to Darren Doe the Tavern manager and gave him the opportunity to ref but he declined so it was down to me! It was difficult to review the match whilst refereeing so I will keep it to the point as best I can!

We knew we were in for a battle as Tavern are a good well organized outfit but I was happy that we managed to get into a 2-0 lead through the old stalwarts Mr Downs and Mr Hillman. What I didn't appreciate was being called a cheat or told not to cheat which basically amounts to the same thing in my book. It was somewhat humorous to see the Tavern ref on the sidelines getting all aggressive and making comments perhaps you should consider some of your performances before commenting on others. We can't all be perfect can we! How can I be a cheat when i award you a penalty and send one of my own players off! In all seriousness good luck Darren next year!

Unfortunately we let the lead slip after conceding a sloppy goal then conceding the penalty. It was tough on us but at least we didn't lose. Cunny i don't blame you for the pen I would have done the same! In the end this was a point gained.

AFC Ladbrokes 1 White Heather Hornets 7, League Division 8, 22nd April 2007

Ladbrokes have improved massively over the season and I didn't want us to take this game for granted. I do somewhat wonder about our attitude at times as does Alan Farley! We started off well enough with to be fair some excellent attitude on the pitch.

After only 3 minutes we were awarded a rather fortunate penalty after the Ladbrokes defender handled. Mark Downs stepped up and drilled a thunderbolt into the net! Not really he stubbed his foot and mishit the ball deceiving the Ladbrokes keeper! Shit penalty! in the 12 minute we doubled our lead with Sam (Dil) Doe following up an effort and heading in. The ladbrokes keeper made some excellent saves and to be fair early on kept them in the game. We came to half time 2-0 up but had missed numerous chances.

In the second half a poor pass from Mr Constable gifted Ladbrokes a lifeline at 2-1and whilst I was away getting a burger they hit the woodwork which would have made it 2-2. After 53 minutes Foxy scored from close range to make it 3-1 and In the 68th minute normal service was resumed and Mr Moore scored to make it 4-1. Danny then scored a similar goal to his first running on and making it 5-1 in the 73rd minute. The tank made it 6-1 in the 80th minute with his second goal in two games. With four minutes remaining Danny Moore completed his hat trick and overtook Matt Groves as the leading goal scorer so far for the season. 7-1 to the Hornets with another 3 points to the tally and a big game to come on tuesday against tavern.

Springbourne 0 White Heather Hornets 3, League Division 8, 19th April 2007

This was a possible banana skin for the mighty Heather but we again proved that we could mix it with anyone even if they were somewhat lacking some of their sandwiches for their picnic. Springbourne are a strong side who at times were a little too physical and the ref tended to miss some of the more blatant fouls. He was more interested in petty issues! Never mind! Who cares! We won!

It took us until the 21st minute for the calm and collective Mr Hillman to open the scoring with yet another sublime finish. We created a number of chances in the first half but unfortunately failed to take them which i was hoping wasn't going to be detrimental to our season.

In the second half we continued to battle well and started to boss the game and in the 68th minute The Tank scored from close range. This meant i wasn't as stressed as before! Honest! The scoring was completed in the 81st minute with Rich Newman scoring. Another 3 points and onward for the treble!

White Heather Hornets 6 Cricketers 1, League Division 8, 15th April 2007

Were the Hornets going to continue their rich vein of form? Answer - yes! We drew against Cricketers in our previous encounter thanks to a certain referee who was in attendence on Sunday as their linesman but to be fair he was spot on!

Cricketers are a reasonable side and they have very strong and capable front man but our back line apart from the odd mishap were excellent! This included Johnny Bean who came on during the second half after his fishing holiday. Questions have been asked as to your sexualality! (fuck off Rob if that's a wrong spelling (I'll leave it then..)). The Hornets went 1-0 down after losing posession which seemed to kick start our play and it was down to Hi-Ho Doyle to get us back on level terms with a right footed effort after 24 minutes. Then 7 minutes later the evergreen Mr Hillman got us into a 2-1 lead with superb finish into the top corner. We went into the half time break with a slender yet important lead. I was serenaded with Cuntstubbles new song and actions, it was lovely!
The second half commenced and it was going to be important for us to get the next goal as I felt 2-1 was a bit too close for comfort. In the 52nd minute it was that man who was sent from heaven who prodded home from close range to give us a 3-1 lead and a bit more breathing space. One minute later a long range scorcher from Danny moore wrong footed the Cricketers goal keeper to put us 4-1 up. It has to be said that Billy the Cricketers goalie made
some good saves during the game and the score line in the end could have been alot more! I was contemplating taking off Mr Hillman and giving him a rest with the fixtures coming up but luckily I left him on a bit longer and in the 59th minute he completed his hat trick with a deft lob. 5-1 to the Hornets! The scoring was completed in the 90th minute when Lewis "Donkey Donger" Burgis scored. 6-1 and another important 3 points. This was even more important as Magpies only drew 3-3 with Kings Arms.
I was somewhat disappointed that no one knew what a campanologist was but to be fair wasn't really suprised. Let's ensure we don't enter any quiz competitions! Let the Sunshine Variety coach roll!

All the breast,

Cowface.

AFC Hewitt 1 White Heather Hornets 3 - League Division 8 -12th April 2007

The Hornets band wagon continues with another hard fought victory against Hewitt. To be fair we didn't play very well but it was a ground out battling win. It wasn't pretty (a bit like Cunny's face), but it was a win! It was encouraging to see that Hewitt had at least two ringers so if the game didn't go our way we would perhaps look to register a complaint (who knows but thanks for taking the photo's Rob)!

The first half wasn't the greatest and we struggled against some route one football. About 15 minutes before half time a poor ball was played across midfield and as Luke "The real poof" Ayrton was having his leg bummed by the rent boy, the Hewitt mug picked up the ball ran through and scored. Wankers!

I let Big but not so big anymore.(??? -Rob) Al took the half time team talk as I wasn't very pleased with the effort being shown! But I was calm! It took us until the 60th minute to equalise with a classy finish from Mike "Ay" Ridewood. Then 9 minutes later a cross from the right saw a Hewitt defender head into his own net. Hewitt bought on another campanologist (Work that out Matt Farley and Matt Groves you villagers)! We held on and after a few missed chances from the Ronnie Corbett brothers we scored a third in the 90th minute from Bashful!

Well done boys another 3 for the pot!

White Heather Hornets 2 Magpies & Woolsbridge 0 - League Division 8 - 10th April 2007.

The game ahead I felt was going to shape our season and chances for winning the title and we knew were up against a solid Magpies side who had only conceded 5 league goals all season. It was encouraging to see the Heather squad turn up focused on the job ahead (Well virtually all of them. Questions still have to be asked over the sanity of Mr Constable). It was also encouraging to see a crowd form on the sidelines which is something we haven't been particuarly used to!

We started with great determination and fought for every ball which is something we didn't do in the cup final and that was good to see. Magpies started brightly enough as well and after only a few minutes hit the outside edge of the post with a long range effort. It has to be said that the Hornets were enjoying the Lions share of possesion and had the greater chances on goal, but as in some of the previous games failed to convert those chances into goals. It wasn't until the 32nd minute that the Hornets took the lead with Mark Downs directing a pinpoint header into the roof of the net. This was no more than we deserved! It has to be said that we did take our foot off the gas just before half time but there could be no arguing that we were the better side.

The second half started with the same level of commitment and it was pleasing to see that we managed to retain the same amount of posssesion. I was convinced that as the game went on it would be harder for Magpies to come back into the game as their slightly older legs would begin to suffer. Mark Downs was replaced by Christian as he was starting to walk a bit like the bloke they found in Michael Barrymores swimming pool. With about 15 minutes to go Matt "The Lip" Groves mugged off the full back and squared the ball across the 6 yard box for Christian to calmly score. 2-0 to the Hornets and a thoroughly deserved scoreline. It was a great team performance from each and everyone of you with a special mention to Foxy and Cunny at the back who were awesome and never gave their forward a sniff and to Matt Groves who ran his heart out and created some great chances.

This was a massive win! Magpies are now on the back foot but we must ensure they remain there and win our remaining games starting on Thursday!

White Heather Hornets 2 Rounders 1 - Dorset Minor Cup Final - 8th April 2007.

The Hornets were eager to add to their trophy cabinet and I was looking forward to us playing at Holt (Ha, Ha. No offence Habby!). Rounders were a somewhat unknown outfit but we did have some background info from the stripping copper Mr Cuntstubble. Is he to be trusted? Answer no! Ask big Al! The pitch at Holt looked in good condition to be fair but due to the dry spell was somewhat on the hard side. We started brightly enough but the game was going to prove to be a battle. Rounders and The Hornets tried to play football but but with the conditions this proved to be difficult.

We had some good chances in the first half and should have opened our account fairly early on but the normally deadly Mr Downs was lacking his clinical finishing technique! We waited until just before halftime to score with Jim "Bean Head" Legg prodding home from close range. Then a minute or so later Rounders scored after a speculative shot was diverted onto the cross bar by the Monk and the vertically challenged forward lept like a flea and headed in to go into half time 1-1.

It was difficult to find any fault with our first half performance so it was carry on in the second half as we had done so in the first. Unfortunately I missed the next goal as I was getting a cheese burger! By the way it was very nice! It was one of the better quality burgers as opposed to one of the cardboard efforts! The goal came a minute into the second half and was a blistering effort from the ever dependable Mike "I loved playing next to all the girls in the first half" Ridewood. I was hoping we would then to score a few more but it wasn't to be the case! Rounders gave us a real battle and we were at times lucky to hold onto our lead but in the end we were too strong and held on to retain the Minor Cup (Apparently the first time any side had done this in the history of the cup).

The Hornets then celebrated in Hornets fashion through the day and into the early hours! For all future partying remember these points:

1. Never stand next to Matt Groves in town. People treat him a punch bag.
2. Never invite Mike Constable for a roast dinner as he will sit at the table with shaving foam on his face.
3. Never get pissed in the Heather and lose your keys.
4. Don't say childish things on the pitch to the opposition - you look a twat!

Ferndown Forest 2 White Heather Hornets 7 - 01/04/07 - League Division 8. Photos

Ferndown Forest started the game full of running and full of commitment something which we have been lacking at times this season and credit to them. They battled and battled and went into the half time period 1-0 up. We started relatively brightly then lost our way!

The second half started and we looked alot sharper. In the 57th minute a mistake from the Ferndown keeper allowed Mark "take my breath away" Downs to score a simple goal to make it 1-1. Then six minutes later Mr Downs poked home to make it 2-1. Incidentally Mr Downs was a second half substitute! As Mr Ridewood and Mr Shaw would say form is temporary but class is permanent. By the way I'm not sure which category you fall into Mr Downs! In the 69th minute Matt Groves got into the act running onto a through ball to score with a good finish. Then in the 77th minute Downsy completed his hat trick with a cool finish to make it 4-1. Ferndown never gave up and pulled one back through some slack marking.

In the 85th minute Mike "Ay" Ridewood scored with a classy finish into the bottom corner. Then Matty Groves scored in the 89th minute with another great finish to make it 6-2. The Hornets were on a roll but the scoring wasn't finished with "The Breath" scoring his fourth in the last minute with a tap in. Another win, another 3 points!

Heritage Res 0 White Heather Hornets 2 - 25/03/07 - League Division 8. Photos

The season goes on and on but we still need to ensure we carry on the winning sequence. This was to prove that we can look ordinary (shit) but still grind out results! We struggled on a piss poor Kings Park pitch which had more stones on it than Brighton beach! Why do teams pay such amounts of money to Bournemouth Council for such shit pitches?

We played poorly against a spirited Heritage side but managed to take the lead after a pinball game in the Heritage penalty area which was prodded home by Luke "The dildo" Ayrton. Half Time came and went what more can I say!

The second half came and went and by the way we scored another through Matt "No 1 son" Farley. Fuck me how did that happen? No you can't play up front! Anyway three points that's all that mattered.

I have been accused of being negative and upset! Well done everyone you were brilliant and you are the best players in the world!

Cricketers 3 White Heather Hornets 3 Division 8 18/03/07

They say games can be won and lost on decisions but this was a case of blatant cheating and piss poor decisions by their home ref. I have always defended referees as they are only human and make mistakes like the players do but this individual was on another planet. We went 1-0 down to a penalty after Mike Constable was judged to have climbed on the attackers back. The Cricketers linesman and their manager said thats not a penalty! Fair do's to them! We then equalised after 25 minutes with Jordan Childs scoring from close range. Then Cricketers went 2-1 up when Wes and the defenders failed to attack a corner into the 6 yard box and there player headed home unchallenged.

After half time in the 47th minute we were level with a close range effort from Downsy then shortly after one of their defenders scored a peach of an own goal from a corner to put us 3-2 up. The ref continued to make some unbeleivable decisions then with a few minutes to go the ball was taken into the box by the Cricketers No 15 who was later to be proved as a complete tosser and full of idle threats (took luke out studs up) who proceeded to pull Cunnny aside and bundle him over. Play on said the biased cheat of a ref and they scored. What a fucking shock! I couldn't see that coming at all! After the game we went back to the Heather to discuss that we were lucky top escape with a point.

Magpies & Woolsbridge were in the Heather and naturally they asked how we got on then proceeded to tell us about the Cricketers dodgy home ref and how lucky they were to win 2-1. Well what another shock! Your reputation proceeds you! Cheat!

White Heather Hornets 3 Magpies & Woolsbridge 2 Nicholas Read Cup Final 15/03/07

This was the game we had been waiting for and we all looked the dogs bollocks especially me in a normal shirt and tie and the rest of the homs in pink ties. We knew this would be a tough test for the Hornets as Magpies had only conceded 4 goals in the league. It was important to start off on the right foot and compete from the off. Unfortuanately this wasn't the case and we were dreadful in the first half. Magpies went in 2-0 up. The second half improved and we were competing more as a team but with only twenty five minutes to go we needed to try something different. We left three at the back and went for the shit or bust option.

Magpies should have increased their lead after the break but their forward blazed over with the goal at his mercy.Wazza got us going with a scrappy goal then unbelievably scored a second to get us back on terms with only a couple of minutes to go. The crowd, the bench and Cowface went nuts then just as we thought we were heading for extra time and with a minute to go in injury time Danny Moore scored with an excellent cool finish. This was the comeback of all comebacks. The ref blew his whistle and the Hornets had won 3-2. What a game!

It has to be said that the whole evening was extremely well run and a credit to the BFA. It was back to the Heather and drinks to the early hours! The buffet was the bollocks and thanks to Willy and the girls for looking after us.

Hazelbury Bryan 0 White Heather Hornets 3 Dorset Minor Cup Semi Final 11/03/07

This was to prove to be another chapter in the sucess or failure of the Hornets season. We travelled for two days and two nights to travel to Hazelbury Blokes Name and finally arrived and parked our cars near to the pub which was in turn virtually on top of the ground and the village store. Mike Ridewood suffered a nose bleed being so far into deepest darkest Dorset. We knew we were up for a battle but right from the first whistle we went into every challenge as though we meant it which was good to see.

The Hornets went into the lead after 20 minutes after Matt Groves ran onto a through ball and cooly slotted past the advancing keeper. Then Sam Doe scored after 38 minutes to put us 2-0 up with a scrappy but important goal. So into half time two to the good. We decided to hold the half time talk on the pitch as we were worried we would catch something from the changing rooms.

You would thinks that a two goal cushion would relax us but we struggled at times. Then with about 30 minutes to go Matt Groves elbowed the defnder and was sent off! Numpty! We thought we would be under relentless pressure but believe it or not we added to our total with 10 minutes to go with a cool finish from Christian Hillman. The game finished 3-0 and the Hornets marched into another final.

White Heather Hornets 6 Heritage Res 0 League Div 8 18/02/07

Heritage are struggling at the moment in the league and in the first half we absolutely tore them apart playing some excellent football. We took the lead after only 8 minutes with a classy lob from Danny "Short person syndrome" Moore. The lead was then extended after 14 minutes with a great finish from young Samuel Doe. We continued our sexy football with some great passing and movement. Then the resurrection came in the 26th and 35th minutes with two typical finishes. Then just before half time Samuel scored with his left foot with another great strike. The Hornets go into half time 5-0 up and to be fair to Heritage it could have been a lot worse if it wasn't for their keeper!

The second half started and to be fair I was expecting an avalanche of goals but it just didn't happen! We completely lost the plot, our shape, our defending ability and to be honest we were pretty shit. Oh and by the way Newman scored with a header to make it 6-0. The only highlight of the second half was Constables bird eating a sausage on the sidelines! Cunny it wont be long before she realizes you should be admitted to a secure unit with padded furniture!

I can't really complain about the result as we kept a clean sheet but we must punish teams when we get the opportunity.

See you all next week.

Cowface.

Kings Arms 1 White Heather Hornets 8 League Div 8 04/02/07

Kings Arms were struggling towards the bottom of the league but I was given some tip top info from our scouts that they had signed a useful kind of fellow from Ringwood town (Who the fuck are they? They're shit!). To give the lad his due he did look quite useful apart from the dodgy mullet he was sporting which looked like an albino squirrell strapped to his head! We started brightly on another small Strouden Park pitch and after 16 minutes we went ahead with a clinical finish from Christian who then added a second after 19 minutes. We continued to press the Kings Arms defence and increased our lead to 3-0 after 22 minutes through Danny "de Vito" Moore with a good finish. He then added his second to make it 4-0 with a 39th minute penalty. We then conceded a sloppy goal as Mr farley failed to judge a high through ball (I think he was tickling Constables genitals at the time).

In the second half we carried on as before but it took a while for us to break down Kings Arms defence. Mr Moore completed his hat trick after 76 minutes then added a fourth after 83 minutes to put us 6-1 up. Jordan scored after 87 minutes and Christian completed his hat trick after 88 minutes. The final score 8-1. A good day at the office for the Hornets. The Manager of the month curse broken.

Big game on Sunday! Let's be ready!

White Heather Hornets 4 Springbourne 1 -28/01/2007 - League